Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
