3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
