My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
