Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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