Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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