Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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