I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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