you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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