Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
