It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
