Do you still have your period?
i already hear my dad disowning me
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
