My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
