Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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