If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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