she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
