Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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