I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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