even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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