He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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