lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
