I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
