Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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