My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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