I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
