I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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