At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
