you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
