but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
