We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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