The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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