I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
