Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
