Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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