Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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