We're facebook friends in real life
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
