it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
