my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
