Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
home. puking in laundry basket.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
