Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
