We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
