the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
