we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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