Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
