I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
