You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
