how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
