Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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