i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
