Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
