Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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