I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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