I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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