How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
