i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
