Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
