I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
