I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
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I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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