They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This baby is an asshole
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
