I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
