I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
