My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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