ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
His nipple licking is glorious
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