i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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