what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
