they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize