Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
