life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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