Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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